Dear Tonja,
 
I have met someone and we are both so crazy about each other that we’re… well… we’re crazy!  Neither of us can think straight and I know this sounds NUTS but we want to become not only exclusive, but make a commitment to each other. I am desperate for your help.  My girlfriend has just gotten out of a long- term relationship and I have been single for almost two years. What should we do? Don’t tell us to slow down!  We try to skip a day of not seeing each other and by the next day, we are even nuttier. We wind up spending more time together to make up for the time we missed the day before.  Please help!
Too (Two) Nuts
 

Dear Too,
 
Congratulations on finding each other. There is nothing headier than the current state of chemicals you are experiencing. Short of leaving the country— or the planet— I doubt anything could keep you apart right now. Researchers are having a field day identifying all the parts of the brain and the body chemicals that dramatically change when you are going through this. It is delicious and delightful and often almost painful.  And yes…you are kind of nuts.
 
You are in a high state of what Dr. Dorothy Tennov in the 60’s termed Lemerenz. This highly charged emotional state can last anywhere from six weeks to a year and a half. When it burns off, you will either have lasting love or you will have zip. You can be exclusive, you can be committed, but try to refrain from getting married until you see if this endures.  Especially since one of you just got out of a long-term relationship.
 
To help you evaluate your new relationship, take this assessment test. Rate yourself on a scale of 0-10, 10 being the best score.  Score each section:
•    8-10 Good. You have a good grasp of this area.
•    5-7 OK. You may need some work here but your issues can probably be solved.
•    0-4 Needs work. Don’t proceed without professional counseling.
 
Relationship Survey
 
1.     SHARED VISION: My partner and I have a clear picture of what we want in life.  We are compatible on the important issues. I know what she wants, she knows what I want, and we have common goals of what we want our future together to look like.  (Furthermore – I like her mother.)
 
2.     SIMILAR VALUES: I know what my partner’s values are and she knows mine. For example: we both love children, we tell the truth, we believe in fidelity, we are both responsible in our jobs, we keep our agreements with other people, we are wise with our money.  
 
3.     INDIVIDUAL MISSION: I know what my mission is in life (beyond watching football on Sunday afternoon) and I know what my partner’s is. We both have special talents and gifts with which to serve others and we wholeheartedly support each other in our mission and purpose.
 
4.     SUCCESSFUL AS A SINGLE: I have been happy and successful as a single.  I know how to be alone and how to make myself happy.  I am not looking for someone to make me happy.  I am not seeking a partner out of desperation or need.
 
5.     BAGGAGE HANDLED: We have both made our apologies, said goodbye to people, and generally, cleaned up our baggage from the past.  Neither of one of us is controlled by an Ex.  We have strategies in place about how we will deal with people from our past (parents, friends, co-workers) but we will not let our past rule our present.
 
6.     SAFE COMMUNICATION: We know how to have the “hard” talks without hurting each other.  We know how to create a safe place to express what we need and want. We’re good at listening to each other.
 
7.     POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT: We spend most of our time validating each other. We recognize the skills and talents each of us has and remind our partner of them. We say far more positive than negative things to each other on a daily basis.
 
8.     NO BAD-MOUTHING: We do not speak harshly or negatively about each other to other people. If we have issues, we discuss them.  If we can’t solve them, we get help.
 
9.     COMMITMENT:  We are in this relationship for the long haul.  We know it is not okay to have other romantic interests on the side.  If one of us feels a need to see other people, we have to work our way out of this relationship, just as we worked our way into it.
 
10.  GRATITUDE: I think my partner is the most fabulous person in the world and I am grateful everyday that we are together.
 
A score of 80 to 100 means that your relationship has an excellent chance of surviving.  A score of 50 to 75 means your partnership is okay, but will need some work.  Below 50 means you need to rethink your commitment. 
 
Take a look at the areas that you should talk about.  If you have a low score, ask your love to go to counseling with you if you truly want this to last.  Because if you’re crazy in love…you will eventually grow out of the “crazy” part…but you want to preserve the love.