Because I am lucky enough to have insider knowledge on New Zealand’s sexual habits I am aware that anal sex is becoming more and more popular in Kiwi bedrooms. Sure, for some it's still the ultimate hush hush topic – never to be spoken of; for others it's something to try once, for the sake of experimentation, and then forget about. But for others, ‘going in the back door’ is a regular bedroom experience.

If you’re not sure how you feel about anal sex, keep reading for our ‘back door’ breakdown, we’ve answered some questions that you’d never dare to ask about anal sex.

It Takes Two

As with all intimate acts, anal sex is a collaborative process. If you are keen to give it a try but your partner has a strict no access policy in place, then you should respect that. If however, she is open to the idea, then start to talk about what you want to do and discuss beforehand your desires, the key is to be open about your preferences and feelings, and, be receptive to hers.

But will she think I’m gay if I ask about anal sex?

Not at all. Just like anything that is naughty or forbidden (outdoor sex, sex in the room next to your parents, sex at work), it is the excitement factor of breaking this sexual taboo that is the real turn-on – and nothing to do with homosexuality. Besides that, anatomically, men experience a very different sensation from anal insertion. The anal cavity is tighter and smoother, offering a new sexual sensation.

Is it hygienic?

The area does hold some harmful bacteria, and as you’d expect carelessness can cause infections, however, there are things that you can do to minimise the risk. Like taking a bath or a shower with your partner before anal sex – not only can this be great foreplay, but it will help you both relax and clean things up down there. Douching beforehand can also make sure there are no unpleasant surprises.

If you are concerned about what you may encounter down there, then remember that the rectum is an exit canal, not a storage facility (except just prior to a bowel movement) so if your partner has emptied her bowls, your chances of running into something undesirable are very slim. Having said that small amounts may remain in the rectum and that is why it is so important to use condoms.

The most important thing to remember is that once your penis, finger or sex toy has been inside the rectum, not to put them inside anywhere else until you have washed them – this should avoid transferring the harmful bacteria to any other part of the body.

Will she enjoy it?

Some women can achieve orgasm from anal stimulation alone. Pleasure from anal play can result from the indirect stimulation of the G-Spot and the direct stimulation of nerve endings surrounding the anus. However, because the area has a strong muscle-contraction system there can be some pain, particularly the first time.

So how do we get started?

The trick is to take it a centimetre at a time and use plenty of lubricant (because unlike the vagina the anus is not self-lubricating). Using fingers or smaller anal sex toys is the best way to get your partner used to the feeling of anal penetration, and loosen them up for the first few times. Once they are comfortable being touched in the area, move up to using a two fingers or a larger toy, and then, when ready, finally move up to intercourse. Try and stay relaxed, don’t get carried away and keep the communication between you and your partner open.

The golden rules are: take things slowly and to never force anal intercourse, use condoms and plenty of lubricant and stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop.