At the counter of a clothes store.

“So this is an XL size?”

“Yes.”

“And this is a 2XL size?”

“Yes.”

“But the XL is bigger?”

“Yes, I see. It’s because it’s a different maker. Different firms decide on their own sizing.”

I headed back to the changing room. The XL fitted like a tent, and the 2XL like a straight jacket.

Armed with shopping cards and cash from my birthday (great party by the way); I was out shopping for clothes. Now normally, I don’t shop, but with the resources in my wallet, I was out in force. I even took some professional help. A woman.  A woman knows how to shop.

“Try this one honey; it doesn’t have the pleats in the back...”  I wasn’t sure what a pleat was, but I trusted her judgement. I took the shirt and she was right. It fitted fine.

“Y you look nice in that one. It suits you.” That was all I needed.  I bought three, different colours. It was like Simon Cowell telling you that you sing as good as Susan Boyle. I left feeling very important, and a shop full of clothes I couldn’t fit.
“Ha, found something, don’t need you.” I said to a display of cool looking shirts at 3XL but longer sleeves than my arms could stretch, but a waist that I could.

On the way home I pondered the lack of uniformity of cloth sizing. Each manufacturer decided on its own sizing. That means, in some countries, a man 5’ 9” that weighed ten stone (144 lbs for you American readers) was Extra Large. But the factory next door decided that same man was a medium.  When I got home I did some research on the internet.

Back in 1940, USA conducted a survey of woman and came up with a national size system. The Europeans did a similar thing, and we had numbers like this.

Size 6 to 20.

A size 6 woman was about 5’5” tall, seven stone and figures of around 32,23,34. A smallish, average sized woman. But today, no one will buy a dress if it is size 20! It needs to pretend it is smaller than it is. So, now the size 6 woman is resized to Zero!

What happens if you are smaller than that? “No madam, we have nothing in that size, in fact we don’t carry that size. Minus zero is not on our books.”

Let’s take a look at woman’s dress sizes around the globe.

USA    0 – 24
UK      4 – 26
Aussie 6 – 28
Germans (well they don’t care) 30 – 52

Then the two most romantic countries in the world, whose women, if the spoke to you, and asked you to take out the rubbish, you would think they were being sensual

France 32 – 56 and Italy 36 – 58.

Guess who also sizes their women larger than the Americans…I kid you not, The Japanese at 5 – 27.

With men, I’m afraid it is the opposite. They are trying to pretend, we are bigger than we are. We used to get along fine with S (small) M (medium) L (Large) XL (extra large). Now we have M (the new small) L (the new medium) XL, and XXL and 3XL. The new Fat, fatter and unbelievably fat!

One shirt I tried on was a XXXXL! Now, I am a big guy, but I am not 6’6”. I am not 400LBs (180 Kgs). Who decided on that size? What vertically challenged emancipated clothes maker decided on that?

I do have a solution.

We need some uniformity. It would require all countries to fall in line. (Finally, something useful for the United Nations to do) One country would be selected to decide all sizes for all people, and all clothing manufacturers everywhere in the world. This would save considerable time, effort, and embarrassment. We just need to select a suitable country for the task.

My vote is for the Tongans. I mean lets face it, Jonah Lomu is a medium. (That makes me a small men’s)
They could send inspectors around the globe checking sizing and ensuring uniformity. Small fees of course would be charged, and the country could earn some much needed overseas earnings.

Don’t vote for the Aussies. They’d come up with
N (Normal) F (Fat) RF (Really Fat) JYAH (Jeze you are Huge!)

Oh, and can they get onto it quickly, the United Nations I mean. If they are finished second guessing us on human rights and Tasering armed bandits.

I want to go shopping for some trousers, to go with my new shirts.

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...