Economic models explained by cows

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you  give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The  State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State  takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State  takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The  State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two  cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.  You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.  The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN  AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to  produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the  cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have  two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters  of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity  swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a  tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via  an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.  The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.  Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No  balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your  bull.

THE  ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

A  FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and  block the roads, because you want three cows.

A  JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth  the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a  clever cow cartoon image called 'cowmikon' and market it worldwide.

A  GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100  years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN  ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You  decide to have lunch

A  RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five  cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and  learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of  vodka.

A  SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge  the owners for storing them.

A  CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You  claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and  arrest  the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN  INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A  BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks  you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so  they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows,  but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two  cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two  cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

NEW ZEALAND DEFENCE FORCE:  You have two very old cows, producing two cups of milk per day. You tender for new cows, but have to re-tender because the original process was designed to fit only fresian cows and was unfair against other breeds. In the meantime you force your old cows to keep milking. Eventually you get two new cows, only to find that the tender didn't include udders. You buy two udders at three times the cost of the cows. In the meantime, you have cannibalised one of the cows to keep the other going. The person who managed the original tender is promoted and gets an MNZM. It takes three years to implement the training on how to milk the new cows. Once they start milking, it is discovered that they only produce cream. You send them back to the manufacturer for a refit. In the meantime, you spend six times the price of the new cows on keeping the one old cow going. The new cows come back, working fine. The people you originally trained have left, so you train the new people you've hired on how to milk the new cows. Milking starts. You try to sell the old cows, but the previous owner won't let you sell them to people they don't like. The government disbands the herd. The milkers go to other commonwealth farms. You continue milking the old cow to keep it going, but have to throw the milk away. New Zealand develops rickets from calcium shortage.

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...