Core beliefs & language

Over the last 4 weeks I have talked about certain Core Beliefs and how they can sabotage us from achieving the things we desire in life. I have also shared with you some real situations I have experienced as a coach working with real people and I would like to thank those people for allowing me to share their stories with you. For those people who have read all the articles to date, you will see a pattern emerging as to how we operate in the world. If you haven’t, please do so, as this will help you understand what I am talking about in this article.

An interesting observation looking back at the articles is our language. When I talk about our language, I am talking about the words we use and the self-talk or internal dialogue we use about ourselves. A common theme that came through from the case studies was that each individual was not prepared to look at themselves from a different perspective. You may ask why, or so what?  There is a simple saying I often use with clients: IF YOU ALWAYS DO, WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS DONE, THEN YOU'LL GET, WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS GOT.

This is related to the famous quote that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over - and expecting a different result from it. As you will see from the saying, regardless of who may have initially caused our issues - only we can change the results we are receiving. Something that I have found from working with people over the years is to change the perception of ourselves from being observed to being an observer. This may sound quite simple, yet for people to start and operate from this way can be a challenge.

A simple exercise to undertake over the next few days is to identify 4 words you use frequently, when talking with people and yourself. Some examples of these words are, should, can’t, try, hard, haven’t, might, could, problem, never, and many more others as well. When you have identified the four words, try replacing them with other words that would help you to look at things differently. An example for me was the word problem; I would often say to myself, “I always have problems to deal with”. One thing I noticed when I said this to myself, was that I would automatically start to feel tired or lethargic. I changed this saying around to, “I do not have problems, I have challenges.”

After using these words over and over when situations would arise I then clarified this further to start saying, “I love challenges”. When I say this I feel excited and energised. The results for me were different in that I started to achieve a lot more in my everyday life. I would invite you to do the same with the new words you have identified for yourself, and then observe what is happening around you. Also be aware of how you feel when you use them. If you would like to contact me, or share with me some of your experiences of the above, please feel free.

You can contact Jay by phone on +64-9-815-7855, or you can email him.